Do you frequently feel anxious or depressed?
Do you struggle with anger and resentment?
Does your life feel unreasonably hard or unmanageable?
At The Marriage Place, we have discovered that traditional talk therapy alone doesn’t always help couples improve their relationship. Sometimes, you have to go deeper and look at how childhood experiences have shaped the way you view yourself and the world.
Breaking Free From Our Pasts
Many people were never taught the skills they need to learn how to be in functional, healthy relationships with themselves. As a result, they look to other people to help them feel whole and happy. Invariably, those relationships don’t work in the long term because happiness comes from within us.
Maya Angelou said “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, ‘I love you.’…There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.”
We cannot love someone else in a mature way if we don’t love ourselves. Our partners cannot fill the emptiness that comes from not loving ourselves.
If we don’t have a good sense of who we are and what we need, we try to get this validation from others.
Certain Patterns Create Chaos
All this wanting and needing creates patterns of chaos that are often unbearably painful to endure. These patterns include frequent arguing and fighting, control issues and a combination of clinging and abandoning behaviors. We do all of these things in an attempt to get the love we need. Oftentimes, other elements are added in to alleviate the misery of feeling so unhappy.
Those other elements might include:
- Drugs & alcohol
- Affairs (emotional & physical)
- Gaming and computer time
- Food Addictions
- Frequent suicidal thoughts
Once these elements are added, life can get completely out of control very quickly.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can learn how to live your life in a way that empowers you to love and be loved by others–functionally, with maturity and grace.
You can overcome feelings of shame and worthlessness.
You can learn how to live authentically without hiding behind walls and masks.
You can control your anger so others aren’t intimidated by you.
About the Breaking Free Workshop
The Marriage Place is now offering a three-day intensive we call the Breaking Free Workshop. We call it that because our clients who have gone through this tell us they feel they have broken free of childhood wounds that have caused them to feel stuck, insecure and uncertain about themselves.
Here are some of the situations of clients who have benefited the most from our workshop.
(Names have been changed for privacy. )
Jerry is often angry and defensive.
His wife and kids walk on eggshells around him, but he just thinks they are overly sensitive. After the workshop, Jerry has a clear understanding of where all his anger comes from and exactly how it affects his family today.
He is now working on making amends to his family and is showing up very differently in his marriage.
Sam feels alone in his marriage.
His wife is very opinionated, and Sam often gives in to avoid an argument. He just doesn’t feel it’s worth it to say how he feels or what he wants. But this silence has created a sense of deadness in his marriage, and his wife feels alone. She wants Sam to participate in their life together and to be more present.
Sam came to the Breaking Free Workshop to learn why he struggles with asking for what he needs. He realized his parents had a lot of big worries to deal with because one of his siblings had physical challenges. Sam felt selfish for needing any attention or help. He learned how to be needless and without wants so he wouldn’t be a burden to anyone else. Now Sam is learning how to speak up for himself. He knows now that healthy relationships have appropriate levels of giving and taking.
Marcia apologizes for everything.
She is always worried that she has upset someone or done something wrong. Her anxiety keeps her up at night as she ruminates on the day and all the things she wishes she had said or done differently. Marcia’s husband and kids don’t treat her very well. She just wants to make everyone happy, but it seems no one is happy with her and she doesn’t understand why. She feels defective and broken. Marcia’s mother could be extremely critical and sometimes cruel.
Marcia learned that she needed to earn love and approval, and she has been following that template her whole life. Now she is learning how to love herself. She is learning when and how to say “no” to those who are taking advantage of her.
Amy struggles with depression and feelings of suicide.
She has tried a number of medications and therapy, but nothing seems to work very well. In her darkest moments, she hates herself. She feels broken and defective. Amy grew up in a home where she was frequently shamed and criticized. She internalized those messages until they became part of her self narrative.
After attending the workshop, Amy knows the shame she feels isn’t her hers to carry any longer. She was able to give back those feelings of worthlessness to the people who passed them along to her. Today, she is doing so much better and feels more hopeful about her future. Even her family and co-workers have noticed a “lightness” about her.
Do you resonate with any of these stories?
We all carry messages we were given as children into our adult lives. These messages become internalized and form the lens with which we view the world and ourselves. If that lens is distorted, we often go through life with an emotional limp.
Our workshop will help you break free from those distortions and see yourself authentically. Once you change your narrative, hang on for a wild ride – your life with endless possibilities!