Why Should I Stay Married?

stay married

Why Should I Stay MarriedMy husband and I are clearing out clutter.  It is a time consuming adventure into the past.  We started by just going through stacks of books and piles of paper trying to sort them into more organized stacks and piles we labeled keep, toss or give away.  

But we get easily sidetracked when we come across a card one of our children wrote us when they were little, or pictures of our boys when they were babies.  

Today we came across some real gems.  

A letter my son, Thomas, wrote me when he was little:

“Mommy, I hope the surjry tomorow goes ok.  Remember, if God wants you to live you will.  Love, Thomas.”

Then there was this: the wedding dress I wore more than 26 years ago.  

why I want to stay married

The most amazing thing is that it still fits!  But just barely.  

And we found many books we read to our kids when they were small–like these from Sandra Boynton.  

Why Should I Stay Married?

So many memories.

Why Should I Stay Married?

But when we got to this book, my husband and I started laughing loudly and we literally recited the entire book from cover to cover from memory! That’s how often we read this to our boys, who are now 19 and 17.  

We talked about how we cherish these books and how we will save them to read to our grandchildren.

And then it hit me.  

What if I had chosen not to stay married, when it seemed hopeless?  

There would be no shared moments of reading these same precious books to our grandkids.  

In fact, there would be very few shared moments with our kids and grandkids at all after divorce.  

And when coming together is forced through some big celebration or ceremony, everyone feels awkward and tense.   

When the boys are married and have their own families, they would have to make the obligatory holiday rounds so they have time with each parent separately.  

Then I wondered how they would feel about a stepmom or a stepdad?  

What if they didn’t get along?  

And what if their wives’ parents were also divorced?  

Now there are four families.  What a mess!  

What a complicated, entangled legacy to leave my kids!

Why I Chose to Stay Married

I stopped in that moment of cleaning out, and I put my hands on my dear husband’s shoulders.

I thanked him for never giving up on us.  

I told him I want to grow old with him and grandparent with him.

I told him I would marry him again.  

Pretty amazing when you consider there was a time I wanted out and was convinced I would never be able to love him again, much less stay married.

But I do love him.  With every fiber in my being.  I love him.

We laugh a lot now.  We have overcome so much.  

We have finally figured out this thing called marriage and discovered it really can be wonderful and passionate and fun.  Even after 26 years.  

There was a time when I viewed my marriage with the same critical eye I’m using on my household clutter.  

Except the marriage almost went into the “throw away” pile.  

I was so unhappy, I couldn’t see what the future would hold for me or my kids if I did divorce their dad.  

Even more unhappiness.  

My marriage was making me unhappy, but divorce wasn’t the answer.  Putting my marriage on hold and getting authentic, honest counseling was what made the difference. I divorced my old marriage and built a new one.

Our marriage almost died from a thousand paper cuts, instead of one big event or trauma.

And it was put back together in the same way.

Small repairs and movements toward each other that over time, created this beautiful marriage we now treasure.

And you know what?

You can stay married, too.

I know this not from books or clinical research, but from my own real life experience.  

Your marriage is worth fighting for even if your spouse is done.  

Divorce is not the easy way out.  

It is a complicated mess especially if you have kids.  

If you want a different legacy for your kids, fight for it.

We know how to help you do that.  Contact us here.

Or call us at (972) 441-4432. 

Fighting for your marriage is exhausting, but the pain of divorce lasts a lifetime.

5 thoughts on “Why Should I Stay Married?

  1. I don’t know if my marriage is salvagable! We have been separated for a little over 9 months. Me living in a rented room a few minutes away from my kids. I messed up by hanging around the wrong crowd, got into trouble with the law over missing court, went to jail a few times, lost my job and been unemployed since October. She hates me, doesn’t trust me and is into girls now. Hopeless for me and her. My daughter graduates elementary school today but we are attending seperately. My ex hates me with a passion. I am glad you were able to save your marriage but mine is doomed. She thinks I am a loser and a drug addict and will not see me on any other light.

  2. what if we are already divorced? i did not want it tried to reconcile he was seeing someone i didn’t know til after the divorce process was started. i drug iit out even.. hes been living with the ow for a year looks and sounds ,miserable and is making everyone miserable. blames m,e for all his problems. i feel like ive done what i could. its up to God. its a awful mess and he doesn’t see it.

  3. Thanks for all the articles. I am at the 23 year marriage and my wife filed for divorce. I am trying to save the marriage but she is done she says. I don’t know what to do everything i say just backfires or I should not have said it.

  4. I tried “ENGAGE WITH LOVE” It seemed to be everything I had hoped to help me save my marriage and keep my family together. The program seemed to be working and I was feeling better about the outcome. Unfortunately my wife chose to continue seeing her paramour and left our family (2 daughter’s and myself) for him. Sad to say we will be divorced . My daughter’s and I have adjusted to her not being here but it is hard for them to show her any love. This is a legacy I never wanted for my children nor I but this is the hand we have been dealt and we are stronger for it. We have grown spiritually from this nightmare and it seems to have given all of us a “WE WILL NOT FAIL” attitude.
    Thank you for all your help. I’m quite sure that God will send us a lovely goodhearted woman who will enhance our family and make it whole again.

  5. He has lied from the very beginning. Lied about small things, huge things, twisted and turned stories to make himself look like a good person and in the end it was horrible instead. At best I can hope for is maybe a few days without lies. He tells so many, he can’t remember them all then accuses me of twisting stories and we fight till finally he says, “oh that.. now I remember”
    For each and ever lie, he blames me.
    I am a shattered resemblance of what I use to be. I cry every day and that’s been going on for so long I can’t remember.
    I do not trust him and as far as I can tell I will never be allowed to trust him.
    How can you possibly communicate with someone that habitually lies and betrays you, then doesn’t even remember which lie he told you so then he denies it?
    There have been many other women and many, many lies revolving those women.
    He belittles me.. always down playing what he’s done (smiling at me so smug, patting my leg, “oh its not that bad”)
    This isn’t a thousand paper cuts. This is a nightmare!
    He has done so very many horible things to me and mine.
    I wish I could say I have faith in what you say… I wish I felt like this was worth fighting for but it’s pure torture.. my kids seen me go through all this.. including when he turned them against me.. with lies and manipulation.. such a lonely sad life indeed and I am in the deepest parts of depression. He is and has always been emotionally abusive and follows the cycle to the letter.
    I am proud for your story but I doubt that mine will be so delightful if I continue to stay.

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