January is Divorce Season. Don’t Get Caught By Surprise

January is Divorce Season. Let's change that this year. Get help from Engage With Love

January is divorce season. I know this is a harsh reality.  Right now, this is the time of year when most people are thinking of the upcoming holiday menus, shopping lists and time with family.

But for my practice, it is the calm before the storm. January is our busiest time of year.

January is divorce season.

Some of you reading this know your marriage is ending.

You and/or your spouse are simply waiting for the holidays to end before announcing the separation or filing for divorce.

You don’t want to ruin Christmas for those you love.

But some of you are going to get a devastating surprise.

Your spouse is planning to leave and he/she hasn’t even told you yet.

But when the holidays are over and the kids are back in school, you will get the news that your marriage is over.

You are the couple I want to talk to.

If you are the spouse who is simply waiting to break the news, please consider an alternative.

This is a huge decision you are making.

I get it.

I have met hundreds of people in your situation.

At one time, I WAS you.

I didn’t want to try again.

I didn’t want to go to counseling one more time.

I didn’t believe he could change even if he wanted to.

But circumstances forced me to try something new, and I’m so glad I did.

Your spouse may not want to change.  It is even possible they cannot change.

But before you call a lawyer, put the marriage on hold.

Tell your partner you will no longer pretend as if all is fine.

No more intimacy.

No more family dinners.

No more sleeping in the same room…

until you both go to counseling.  Then mean it.

Stop justifying the divorce with the belief you shouldn’t have to go to this extreme for your partner to change.

I’m telling you…it is often necessary to get your partner’s attention.  Because you have trained him/her for a long time that while the behavior or attitude is unpleasant, maybe even miserable it is still tolerable.

Change is hard, and we all often skid by on tolerable from ourselves and others.  After all, you have accepted tolerable for a long time too.

And don’t cop out with the idea that it won’t matter what changes you make or limits you set because your spouse won’t change.  Your spouse deserves the opportunity to get it.  YOU deserve the opportunity but more than anyone, your family deserves the last ditch effort.

If you are the spouse who is about to be surprised with news of divorce, I really need to get your attention now.

After all, you don’t know it’s coming.  But you have seen signs.

You know somewhere in your wisest self that your partner isn’t happy.

Maybe he/she hasn’t complained in a long time, but that doesn’t mean you are safe.

It could very well mean they have given up trying.

If you aren’t certain  your partner is happy in the marriage, your relationship could be in trouble.  Do something about it now.

Stop putting  your head in the sand and hoping this will go away.

It will not go away.

Your spouse will get more and more distant as time goes on.

Every day resentment builds, and passion and trust erode until there is nothing left.

I fear this is falling on deaf ears.  I hear you when you come in and tell me you wish you had paid more attention.

I have watched you sit in anguish as your spouse explains that it really is over and you beg for another chance.

Do something NOW.

Instead of being surprised with divorce papers, YOU be the one to surprise your partner and let him/her know you want to see a marriage counselor or coach.  This one action alone could be enough to cause your partner to stall the divorce  and wait and see.

If your spouse won’t come with you, it is another sign.  Come alone.  We can help you!

I would love to see January come and go without divorce lawyers celebrating the boom in business.

There is so much more you can do before taking that final step.  You just have to be willing to do something different!

Stop staying silent, complaining without action or ignoring the problem.

Put a light on this and deal with it.

Your extended family, your kids and your future generations will thank you.

Reach out to us here if you want our help.  This situation is our specialty.  Let our experts guide you into a more hopeful New Year for your marriage.

6 thoughts on “January is Divorce Season. Don’t Get Caught By Surprise

  1. Wife has started sleeping at friends houses after going out on weekends. Should I start to sleep in our guest room so she has a stress free bed to come home to in the event she wants to? She slept in bed last night with me but we have a big pillow in between us. Or continue to go with the pillow thing as long as she is coming home some nights?

    • I realize this post dates back several years. Nonetheless, I wanted to comment and let you know that your post didn’t go unnoticed and that I’m praying you’re in a better place. I felt the pain and hopeless feeling that you may have even experiencing…

      I’ve been there……

      Set your eyes on Jesus. He moves mountains.

      Psalm 34:18

      Much manly love,

      Ismael

  2. Wow I really needed to read this!!! Thank you!! I may need help through this time but I have to be strong!!!!

  3. My husband of 2 and 1/2 years (we’ve been together for 8 and 1/2 told me he wants a divorce. He’s been “waiting to see if some feelings come back” for a few months. They haven’t. We still go out to eat together, watch tv together, laugh together, but he spent thanksgiving with his family without me and we are moving forward as if divorce is imminent. Our lease on our house is up at the end of January. He says he’s moving out at the end of December. There is no one else for both of us-I’m certain. Some days I desperately want to try to save our marriage and other days I’m so hurt and angry that I don’t. I helped him through stage 4 cancer and cut back my hours at work to take care of him and devoted ALL my time and energy to him for months and months. Now that he is better and cancer free, he’s done?! I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m bewildered. I’m devastated. I love him. I hate him. We are still sleeping in the same bed but have not had sex or any physical intimacy or touching for over 6 months. He says he doesn’t want to try, and I’ve been doingbwjats in the free ebook, but I’m not so sure I want to anymore. I can’t afford counseling. I’m terrified I won’t have enough for rent in a month or two. Even affording a lawyer may be impossible. My family and adult kids know. They want me to leave and not look back. This is my second marriage and his third. I know. His pattten which has shown up in our relationship before is that he doesn’t say anything, something builds and grows and turns resentful and angry inside him and then all o a sudden he explodes and says the relationship is over. We’ve recovered from this twice before mostly because I get desperate and take the blame and make the changes. I’m not begging anymore. If he never did love me I want out, but he insists he used to when we got married. He never mentioned a word to me about being unhappy and I felt the distance and kept asking and he would give excuses, apologize that he’d been distant and things would get better for a while, but then the distance would come back. I’m an educated intelligent adult woman who feels like a clueless child. I’m so confused and upset and want to save my marriage (I think) but jus resigned a lease on a new apartment starting a month from now-our lease here will be up anyway, and he doesn’t want to live together. What can I do? How do I know if I even want to try anymore to see if I can get him to give us another try? How do I know if that is even what SHOULD happen? Am I better off with him or without him? -Kimberleigh

    • Kimberleigh, I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this. To hear your husband say he doesn’t love you is painful. Only you can decide whether it’s worth still fighting for the relationship but I have seen big changes even when your spouse isn’t trying and it. If you’d like to invest in our help, I hope you’ll call. We also have free resources available on the website that can give you some direction. But most of all, I wish you my heartfelt best as you navigate this road. Regards, Kim

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