Think Back to Your First Years of Marriage
Remember when you first met your spouse, and hours passed that seemed like seconds, and you got butterflies just thinking about him or her?
Unfortunately, I have many clients sit down in my office who come in, where they just don’t have those “feelings” anymore, and their marriage has turned into more of a companionship and roommate situation than a romantic, intimate marriage. One spouse inevitably says “I’m not in love anymore,” and the other spouse is shocked.
Fighting Hard to Stay In Love
As I mentioned in my post, A Counselor’s Secret Confession, “Soulmates aren’t found, they are created through commitment, perseverance and hard work.” My husband and I have been married for over 25 years, and we’ve fought hard for our marriage to be where it is today.
It’s a tough battle that has been fought, and won, by many couples in our office. Even if your spouse won’t agree to come with you to counseling at first, we can help you find ways to work on your side of the marriage.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself to Change the Marriage Dialogue
- Do you know your spouse’s Love Language? Marriage expert Gary Chapman qualifies five different ways people give and receive love. By speaking your spouse’s language, you can more easily convey that you value them.
- Are you casting blame on your spouse? Often times, when we feel like we may lose our marriage, we blame our spouse. Stop and consider if you have internal-dialogue with yourself, blaming your spouse for your unhappiness all the time. Recognizing it is the first step in making a shift.
- Do you nag your spouse, or are you able to give kind, constructive criticism? Start by sitting down with your spouse and letting them know how you feel. For example, “I feel ______ when this happens in front of our friends.” By using “I statements” you are not accusing or nagging, just starting a conversation.
Take A Next Step
Regain the connection in your marriage with help to move past resentment and find the way back to hope. Love is a great place to start, but it certainly isn’t all you need. Engage With Love brings together both people in a relationship to create something bigger and better…and far more powerful.