If your spouse has detached emotionally or physically, it is very important for you to start learning what works and what doesn’t work if you want to save your marriage. If you are like most people, you are approaching this problem with determination to ‘be better’ or ‘try harder’ so your spouse will want to stay with you. But what should you be better at? How do you try harder? The truth is…most of us have no idea how to save our marriage when things start going really wrong. And why should we? Falling in love was easy. Staying in love takes work and skill. Very few of us know how to navigate troubled waters in our marriage so I’ve listed a few quick tips to help you out.
Make the conscious decision to fight for your marriage. Your friends and family may not understand your desire or efforts to save your marriage. That’s ok! They love you and they don’t want to see you get hurt. But they aren’t the ones who will have to live with that decision. You are! It may seem really tempting to draw a line in the sand and give your spouse an ultimatum or a divorce, but it won’t get you what you ultimately want. You may feel it gives you more control but it will also likely get you divorced. Fighting will be hard work and can take months but the rewards are worth every ounce of effort.
Get the right help and resources. Don’t try and do this alone. You are going to need support. But even more importantly, you are going to need the right support. If you get a therapist, make sure you get one that is PRO marriage. If you click here, you will find an affordable resource we use with the clients we work with. For $19.97 you will get the audio, journal and worksheet that will tell you exactly what the first steps are to get your spouse re-engaged.
Be willing to do something different! Change is hard. But recognize what you have been doing isn’t working. It’s crucial you figure out what does work and the only way you are going to do that is to try different things. Don’t be fooled by the notion you need to keep trying what you have always done but maybe just try harder. It sounds like the endless diet wheel everyone struggles with thinking this time the diet will work because “I’ll be more diligent” or “I’ll have more willpower.” If it hasn’t worked by now, it isn’t going to. Become the expert on what isn’t working and learn from that.
Focus on actions not words. Your spouse has heard all the promises of change before. Don’t try to convince him/her with more words. Show them changes. This takes a great deal of patience. Your spouse has to be convinced things can and will be better. Nothing can do that but seeing different behavior and time. Don’t expect immediate results.
Get a life and take care of yourself. Don’t make your relationship your only focus. A healthy marriage allows for some outside interests. Participate in activities that bring you joy and will fill your emotional tank. A happier you is much more attractive to your spouse than a stressed, anxious, suffocating you.
These 5 tips are a great start to a renewed marriage. Don’t settle for mediocre. Begin today to make your marriage the relationship you really want. Here at Engage With Love, we know how to help you do that and more!