Are You Doing The Right Things To Save Your Marriage?

If your spouse has detached emotionally or physically, it is very important for you to start learning what works and what doesn’t work if you want to save your marriage.  If you are like most people, you are approaching this problem with determination to ‘be better’ or ‘try harder’ so your spouse will want to stay with you.  But what should you be better at?  How do you try harder?  The truth is…most of us have no idea how to save our marriage when things start going really wrong.  And why should we?  Falling in love was easy.  Staying in love takes work and skill. Very few of us know how to navigate troubled waters in our marriage so I’ve listed a few quick tips to help you out.

Tip #1

Make the conscious decision to fight for your marriage. Your friends and family may not understand your desire or efforts to save your marriage. That’s ok!  They love you and they don’t want to see you get hurt.  But they aren’t the ones who will have to live with that decision.  You are!  It may seem really tempting to draw a line in the sand and give your spouse an ultimatum or a divorce, but it won’t get you what you ultimately want. You may feel it gives you more control but it will also likely get you divorced. Fighting will be hard work and can take months but the rewards are worth every ounce of effort.

 Tip #2

Get the right help and resources.  Don’t try and do this alone. You are going to need support. But even more importantly, you are going to need the right support.  If you get a therapist, make sure you get one that is PRO marriage.  If you click here, you will find an affordable resource we use with the clients we work with.  For $19.97 you will get the audio, journal and worksheet that will tell you exactly what the first steps are to get your spouse re-engaged.

Tip #3

Be willing to do something different!  Change is hard.  But recognize what you have been doing isn’t working.  It’s crucial you figure out what does work and the only way you are going to do that is to try different things.  Don’t be fooled by the notion you need to keep trying what you have always done but maybe just try harder.  It sounds like the endless diet wheel everyone struggles with thinking this time the diet will work because “I’ll be more diligent” or “I’ll have more willpower.”  If it hasn’t worked by now, it isn’t going to.  Become the expert on what isn’t working and learn from that.

Tip #4 

Focus on actions not words.  Your spouse has heard all the promises of change before. Don’t try to convince him/her with more words.  Show them changes.  This takes a great deal of patience.  Your spouse has to be convinced things can and will be better.  Nothing can do that but seeing different behavior and time.  Don’t expect immediate results.

 Tip #5

Get a life and take care of yourself.  Don’t make your relationship your only focus.  A healthy marriage allows for some outside interests.  Participate in activities that bring you joy and will fill your emotional tank.  A happier you is much more attractive to your spouse than a stressed, anxious, suffocating you.

These 5 tips are a great start to a renewed marriage.  Don’t settle for mediocre.  Begin today to make your marriage the relationship you really want.  Here at Engage With Love, we know how to help you do that and more!

10 thoughts on “Are You Doing The Right Things To Save Your Marriage?

  1. My husband left on Dec 30th and filed for divorce on Feb 24th. I was served papers on March 11th. He will not go to therapy with me or even on his own. We have been married for 24 years and together for 26. He reasons he has given me about why he left could be worked on but he won’t even consider it. We have a 19 year old son and a 14 year daughter. I do not suspect him of having an affair. He says he hasn’t lived me in over 6 years and has only been staying for the kids. He is ready to move on. Please help.

    • Pam, call us! 972-441-4432. We can get you set up with a coach right away. It sounds like you need help quickly. Call soon!

    • Same… 22 years together, 20 years married. No divorce papers yet but figuring they might be coming. I am devastated. We aren’t the only ones… this is some horrible epidemic. They are broken. The problems are workable … he says he has tried, I didn’t but funny thing is.. I didn’t know they were problems.. he failed to mention that. So he worked, and I was oblivious. My heart goes out to you because I can hear your desperation too… It hurts beyond belief…

      • DH, I’m sorry you are going through this. I encourage you though not to sit back and just wait for the papers. If this is a relationship you want, then fight for it and be willing to work on you. I hope you’ll call my office and ask to work with a coach. My admin can help arrange for a free consult. Kim

        • Thanks Kim. I will definitely consider it. … I want to… I want to figure this out. I don’t want to give up but he doesn’t even want to talk to me. I am really struggling.

  2. My husband doesn’t trust me because I lied about money and stalked his ex. He already said he wanted a divorce before we found out that I was 3 months pregnant. Now he is serving me a divorce paper and doesn’t live with me anymore. I don’t even know whether to cpntinue my pregnancy or abort it

  3. All, I am engaged with this wonderful company. My wife of 25-years wants to walk. While she has not come around to working it out, all the 5 things mentioned above have made me stronger, more confident, and have given me patience. Engage one of Kim’s coaches. I’m glad I have!!!

    • Hey Adam! Thanks for the shout out. So glad you are being well served. Who knows what amazing things will happen in your life because you are “stronger, more confident and….patient”. We are cheering for you and with you.

  4. My husband left April 13th after I confronted about his constant lies and secrets. This has been extremely devastating to myself and my daughter. I don’t know what to do. I do not want to lose my husband or my marriage and I do not want my daughter to lose the only dad she’s ever known. I cannot even begin to describe the devastation that reaps my soul. I need help to fight for my marriage.

  5. My husband and I have been married 5 years and were together for 10 years before that. In January he became very distant and told me that he is unhappy and has been for past 1-2 years, He said he feels like he has been trying to communicate with the issues he has with us and I apparently never realized his cries for help.. We have 2 small children I do not want to break up our family. He told me that I have pushed him away for too long and that he is broken and cannot be fixed, he says he does not love me anymore and wants to see other people.. He moved out about a week ago, we have been to one marriage counseling session, and have another one scheduled, but he says he doesn’t want to go to anymore after that. He says he does not think they are helping. The issues he has with us are all things that I know can be fixed, It just may take some time to prove that they can in fact be fixed. I just don’t know how much time he is willing to give me..

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