Kim Bowen is a Licensed Professional Counselor who founded and owns the The Marriage Place in Dallas, Tx.
I hate divorce. I mean…I really, really hate divorce. Marriage is risky business. Divorce is a real threat to EVERYONE who says: “I do”. I realized “everyone” included me when I almost lost my own marriage. I married my best friend over 27 years ago. I knew then that half of all marriages fail, but I thought I would never be on the wrong side of that equation. We had the kind of marriage our friends wished they had. Until one day we didn’t. Looking back, I still don’t know when things started going wrong. It was so gradual neither of us noticed. But there actually came a day when I looked at my husband and realized I didn’t even like him anymore much less love him. I said those fated words that make me cringe when I hear them today: “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore”.
When I said those words to my husband, I believed them. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I didn’t want to live with him anymore either. We tried marriage counseling many times over the years and it never worked for us. All the failed attempts to makes things better only reinforced my belief we were done.
Fast forward a few years and I’m more in love with my husband now than ever before. What changed? We are the same two people, raising the same two kids and still occasionally fighting the same battles. The difference is … we are connected again on an emotional level. Somehow during the years of raising kids and building careers we lost sight of each other. We stopped making our marriage a priority and we paid a dear price for that. But I’m so grateful we didn’t pay the ultimate price. I learned how to love my husband again and I’m no longer intimidated by those statistics. Not because I think we are immune. I already learned that wasn’t true. But because I learned how keep our love alive…how to engage my husband with love. I learned loving him was a choice I could make even when I didn’t like him all that much.
If you are in a marriage that feels distant, I hope you will learn how to engage your spouse with love. If your spouse is telling you they want a divorce, it doesn’t mean it is time to give up. It means it is time to get serious about saving your marriage.
My mission is to change the way people view love and marriage. I realize I am swimming against the social currents that persuade us to believe marriage is disposable…that there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. But I’m taking a stand because I’ve lived it and I know there is hope even when it feels hopeless. I want to show you how you can fall in love with your spouse again…even when you think there is nothing left. I want to help you re-engage your spouse when you are the only one trying and I want to teach you how to divorce-proof your marriage so you never have to go through the horrible pain of that particular loss.
You don’t have to settle for less when you say “I do.” Having a great marriage isn’t a great mystery. Let me show you how.