When Your Wife Says You Are Bad in Bed

Bad in BedEver hear the phrase “The best way to stop having sex is to get married”? Clever, but it’s not too funny if you are living it.

Has your wife told you kindly (or not so kindly) that you are a bad lover?  Or maybe she doesn’t say it but you aren’t having sex very often either. Does your wife avoid intimacy?  It could be that she is tired and stressed.  It could be she is depressed.  It could be she isn’t impressed with your lovemaking skills.

Don’t fall into the “don’t ask, don’t tell” camp on this one guys.  I know it can be very intimidating and even downright painful, but if you want to have great sex with your wife you need to be talking to her about this.  There are lots of reasons why women pull back from physical intimacy.  Kids, careers, hormones, and physical ailments can all play a part. But the two I see most often are lack of emotional connection and low quality sex.

Men have sex to feel connected, but women have to feel connected to have sex.  So if you aren’t having much sex in your marriage, the first thing I would investigate is how emotionally intimate is your marriage?  Do you date your wife?  Do you spend time talking and cuddling?  If the answer is no, we have lots of articles here to help you reconnect. Assuming there is connection, let’s consider the idea that your wife isn’t getting much satisfaction in the bedroom.  I know.  This is not a subject you really want to consider.  I’ve met with women who have been married for decades but have never had an orgasm! Their husbands gave up trying. But making some minor adjustments could make enough difference to start rocking both of your worlds.

The first thing to be sure of is your hygiene.  Make sure you shower regularly and that means cleaning all your parts!  Smells and stains are a HUGE turnoff.  But there is more to hygiene than this.  Keeping your hair and beard neatly trimmed or shaved is a must unless, of course, you have a multimillion dollar duck call business!  No. Scratch that.  Even then.  Keep ear and nose hair trimmed as well.  Trust me on this.

I said in the last post that for a man to have good sex all he needed was a woman who looked and sounded like she was enjoying herself.  Sexually satisfying you is easy.  But you need to return the favor!  I’m amazed at how many men engage in intercourse and never focus on whether their partner is having an orgasm.  Let’s face it.  Her climax is your number one priority.  Are you surprised to learn that many women cannot orgasm during intercourse?  This means you need to develop skills and techniques to help her along before there is intercourse.  Do yourself and your wife a favor and read She Comes First by Ian Kerner.   This book has been a game changer for many couples.

The good news here is this isn’t all your fault.  It is your wife’s responsibility to communicate her needs and desires during sex. The problem is so many women are reluctant to do this.  I’ve seen many women who are bold and decisive in so many areas of their lives but they completely clam up when talking to their spouse about sex.  Still, it is worth your effort to try and coax her into opening up about her feelings.

I know this is a delicate topic and it is easier to just ignore it and move on.  But if you do, you are both more vulnerable to an affair and to pornography.  Stop settling for little or no sex and start finding a way to solve this problem.  If you need help, contact us.  We have experts who can help you learn how to have great sex with your spouse!